Demystifying Therapy Part 1: How to Find and Contact a Potential Therapist
Welcome to the first part of an ongoing series, where the goal is to take away some of the possible confusion or questions you might have if you’re considering starting therapy. This is for folks who have never gone to therapy before, who might be re-starting the search for a provider, or who are considering if therapy might be right for them and are gathering information.
First of all, welcome! Starting therapy can be stressful and anxiety inducing, and does not have to be. In this post I will be talking about how to find a therapist and how to reach out to them to see if the fit might be right in working with them. Of course, this will be from my perspective and I will share how I would do it/how I approach client inquiries and things will differ between individuals.
Maybe quickly we will do a part 0.5: Do I want/need therapy? I am SUPER biased and love therapy, both as a client and as a provider (shoutout to therapists in therapy!), but I do truly believe that many people benefit from therapy services. When talking to people in my life who may be considering therapy (or have someone bring up the idea to them), I am looking for:
-Do you want therapy? If you want it, that’s a great reason to start therapy! Whether you have had it before and found it helpful, or have never gone and are wanting to address a specific concern, explore your lived experiences, or increase your insight, therapy is a great space for that!
-Do you have a pattern that you can’t seem to break away from? This can look like just about anything so I won’t provide examples here, but if we can’t seem to “will ourselves” out of habits we no longer want, therapy is an awesome resource.
-Does something feel off in your life? Maybe a transition happened or is going to happen and adjusting to it is stressful, maybe you’re working more than you wanted and you didn’t envision this life for yourself, maybe you KNOW there is more that you’re wanting or needing but can’t seem to place what that is. Trusting yourself and feeling when something isn’t quite right is a great thing to bring to a therapist.
There are many other reasons therapy could be awesome, but these are the big 3 I look for! If this applies to you, read on for how to actually find a provider you’ll enjoy working with.
Finding A Therapist
There are a million directories and SEO options and the therapy stereotype is that all therapist bios read the same, so how on earth can you know if someone is right for you and will understand you? I have some tips:
The narrower the scope of the therapist the better. If you want a therapist who works with folks with childhood trauma and attachment with a fat-liberation lens, look for that! (Also, that is me so look no further). On many therapist directories you can filter for specific needs including: therapist specialities, therapist identities, etc. It is more likely a therapist who advertises a smaller amount of specialties will be more specialized in what you are looking for than someone who lists 50 specialties (the other therapist stereotype). If you are looking for therapist directories, please refer to my resources page.
Ask yourself what helps you feel safe and at ease. If you want to work with someone who shares some of your same social locations, allow yourself to work with someone who does. Working with someone who shares some lived experiences or identities can be incredibly empowering and also reduce the possibility of needing to explain stuff you just don’t want to explain if they don’t share your identity or experiences. You may not mind if your provider has shared identities with you, but you might be certain you want to work with someone who utilizes a liberation lens, specializes in a certain type of therapy, or who uses non-clinical language—in asking what helps us feel safe and at ease in conversations can be really helpful in finding a provider who will be a good fit.
Do you want to meet with someone virtually or in-person? Virtual therapy is awesome and can reduce barriers to accessing care and can be an incredible way to connect with someone. I am exclusively (at this time) providing services virtually and have seen incredible impact, but I also know that some people really want the in-person connection or physical space in an office to meet with a clinician. Considering what makes sense for you can help guide the provider you are looking for.
Cost. Therapy is expensive. Yes, it’s an investment in yourself and that is incredible and valuable. I certainly budget for therapy, and if you are able to do so I encourage you to. However, not everyone is able to do this. Some therapists accept insurance but this is also quite uncommon (that’s a whole post on its own, but basically taking insurance uses a lot of time and hoops therapists have to jump through that impacts our ability to see clients). If you are wanting and needing to use your insurance, you can certainly do so by specifically searching with that filter on therapy directories. You can also look to sliding scales, which is the mental health term for reduced cost therapy based on what you are able to pay. Most therapists in private practice who do not accept insurance offer reduced rates based on need, so once you determine how much you are able to spend for therapy you can search accordingly. You can also see if your insurance offers reimbursement for therapy, which I discuss briefly here.
Once You’ve Found Potential Providers
It’s very typical to have multiple potential therapists (but do not worry if you only have one—this is also very very common). Once you have found potential providers, you will want to reach out to them usually via email or therapist directory contact link. Usually you could also call or text, but I will tell you as a provider email or via therapist directory link is my preference (but my truest preference is whatever is most accessible for you).
In this initial contact (email, message, voicemail) you do NOT need to share any personal info besides your name and contact info. You do not need to share why you’re seeking therapy here, etc. The point of the initial contact is to schedule what is called a “consult” or a consultation—a free 15-20 minute meeting via phone or video call that 99% of therapists offer to see if you’d be good in working together. The minimum amount of information you need to provide is “Hi Natalie, my name is Natalie (she/her) and I am interested in possibly working together for therapy. I am wondering if we can schedule an initial consult sometime?” If via email, you don’t have to do anything else. If via therapist directory, they will collect your contact info, and if via phone just be sure you leave your best callback number. AND THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO DO. It’s super simple. It also does not have to be that verbatim, but that is all the information I need as a provider to get in touch with you.
Note: You totally can include more info if you want to! You can say you’re wanting to explore a life transition, discuss anxiety, traumatic experience(s), relationships, etc, but you absolutely don’t have to. My only note is not to share more than is helpful in an initial contact, but some information can be great to share (if you want to) to start the process in seeing if a provider is right for you! This can also be a good place to ask a specific question: do they offer superbills? Do they have reduced fee spaces left? Do they work with folks who experience [insert thing here] in addition to other listed specialties? (I get this one a lot for folks who want a provider who offers what I do, but they also want to know if I work with/have experience with other things that may be secondary to their primary reason for referral—this is a great space to ask that if you want to).
From my end as a provider, I will then reach out to potential clients within 2 business days to schedule an initial meeting that works for both of our schedules.
During this process, you can already start asking yourself how you feel as you reach out for services—nervous? relieved? excited? a combination? This can be helpful to notice as you honor yourself in providing time and space for healing and empowerment through therapy.
At this point, your work is done and you will just wait to hear back from the provider about scheduling that consult. You can sit back, rest and relax, and see how it feels to take the first step in pursuing this new venture for yourself.
Did I miss anything? What has helped you as you try finding a provider?
Stay tuned for the next installment where we talk about the initial consultation with a potential provider and what to expect during that meeting.
